Well then.
So it's been a while. A few months. I've got a new job and loving it. I've got a new boy and love that, too. I've got a new (...ish?) computer and that's going well. Things are going well. But I spend most of my days angry, frustrated and ornery.
Let's recap.
Two months ago I was at a friend's house and I was introducing her and another friend to the outright hilarity that is Cougar Town. Shut up, it's fucking funny. It's one of those comedies where you don't have to think about the humor, it's just there for you. I love smart humor, don't get me wrong, but sometimes it's just fun to not have to think and just laugh. So we were drinking wine and watching Cougar Town on my computer when my friend (who, admittedly, is clumsy and should not be around electronics when alcohol is involved in any quantity) spills wine on my computer. The glass had maybe (maybe!) a tablespoon of wine in it and the wine hit the side of my computer and the screen went black. It was a MacBook, so naturally it was ridiculously expensive to fix. $1300 worth of expensive. But the third friend of this equation felt guilty, so she fronted the money and the two of us are paying her back slowly. So Harvey (that's his name, my MacBook) is back with a new case but the same ol' hard drive inside.
I work at an Inn on an island off the coast of Maine. It's beautiful, and perfect. I've been there for all of a month and a half and they want to move me up to manager. Not bad.
So maybe I jumped the gun a bit in the new boy department. There's a guy I've been spending a lot of time with, mostly on the ferry to and from the island which has been really nice. He lives on the island, which works out kind of great when I miss the last ferry back, which has been happening with more and more frequency. And the fact that he's beautiful and has the most comfortable bed in the world and a small, cozy cottage right on the water definitely doesn't hurt.
The frustration, beyond the normal money woes and self-image issues, comes from a condition called geographic tongue. I won't link to it, but you can google it if you want. Basically, the tongue looks like a topographic map. I'm starting to think more and more that this is the condition that's been plaguing me since I was a small child. And while I am certainly prone to over-dramatizations, the use of "plaguing" is certainly not one of them. It's so painful that I have to call out of work sometimes, take benadryl and sleeping pills and just spend most of the day zonked out. There are fucking fissures on my tongue. What the hell?!
Anyways... I'm alive. I'm well, working on getting to great.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Chapter Two: The Revenge (or something...)
I was fired today.
I no longer have a source of income, I no longer have health insurance, I will likely have an odd break in my resume, and I have nothing to fill my time from when I wake up until when I go to bed.
I'm a little numb right now. But... numb on the side of happy. I feel relieved. I feel like a person's fate is no longer in my hands. I just... I'm relieved.
I'm sure this feeling will evaporate later, but I really don't care. Because at least I feel something.
I've spent the last... month? Two months? Who knows... just not caring. I honestly thought I might have been coming down with depression with all that not caring I've been doing. I wouldn't say I'm particularly enthused, but I'm not panicked, or sad, or angry (or surprised, really).
And I don't know what this will do for my political career in the state, but at this point, I'm not as concerned.
I feel tingly all over.
I no longer have a source of income, I no longer have health insurance, I will likely have an odd break in my resume, and I have nothing to fill my time from when I wake up until when I go to bed.
I'm a little numb right now. But... numb on the side of happy. I feel relieved. I feel like a person's fate is no longer in my hands. I just... I'm relieved.
I'm sure this feeling will evaporate later, but I really don't care. Because at least I feel something.
I've spent the last... month? Two months? Who knows... just not caring. I honestly thought I might have been coming down with depression with all that not caring I've been doing. I wouldn't say I'm particularly enthused, but I'm not panicked, or sad, or angry (or surprised, really).
And I don't know what this will do for my political career in the state, but at this point, I'm not as concerned.
I feel tingly all over.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Eff this noise
Seriously.
Don't get me wrong, I am so impressed and inspired by what my candidate has accomplished and how well she carries herself, but working on a candidate campaign during primary season is complete balls. At least conservatives and Republicans have the chutzpah to back a candidate early. Democrats either don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or are too wishy-washy to actually make a decision on who they want to be their candidate. Take my race, for instance.
There are now four "official" candidates running in this race. There are six names floating around, but one couldn't officially get on the ballot (but is running as a write-in candidate... good luck) and one couldn't qualify for the public funding option available in my state without one of their staffers being charged with fraud. Sucks for him, but great for my team as that's one less person we need to worry about.
So there are four democrats running for this position, and there doesn't seem to be a single democrat in my turf that will just come out and say who they are voting for. Even more frustrating than that is people don't understand the need for volunteers during a primary because most people see it as a warm up lap to the real race.
I have the utmost confidence that my candidate will win the primary. I really do. But my confidence doesn't translate to hard results, so my supervisors get pissed because my deliverables are low and my metrics are completely skewing the rest of the folks in the state.
The other problem is my turf is the base territory for an competing democrat, so most of the activists in the area are already on board with him and I can't pull them away.
I think the most frustrating thing about this whole effort is that the LGBT community here is siding primarily with one candidate because of a skewed sense of their involvement in our marriage equality fight. My candidate had a much bigger hand in the first stage of the campaign, and the other guy showed up to a phonebank or two, shook a few hands and disappeared.
Which leads into ANOTHER fantastic part of democratic primaries -- endless infighting. It should be obvious to everyone that in this kind of political climate, democrats need to stick together and unite or else batshit conservatives are going to take over. Don't misunderstand me... I know that there are conservative democrats and liberal republicans (socially liberal, at least) and I know the democrats, in reality, are simply the lesser of two evils (or three if you want to include the teabaggers) but the dems are more likely than any to further federal LGBT rights, even though they've been doing a crap job so far. Oye.
I do have to say though, both of my Senators are republicans, and they have BOTH signed on as co-sponsors of ENDA, so props to them. I just wish the one who is on the Armed Services Committee would move from tepid support to co-sponsorship of the repeal of DADT, but I know that's too much to ask. As long as she votes to move it out of committee, I think I can deal.
Wow. That was a lot of politics. I feel dirty.
One thing that kind of bugs me about working in field is that so much of it is on the phone, and that's a hassle. I can't ever do work in busy, high-traffic areas where I can just sit with my computer, instead I have to always be in a quiet, secluded space where I get distracted and, what I really meant to write about when I started this, no chance to meet people. I just want to meet people. Not political junkies, just normal people who are smart and funny and who don't really know a lot about one subject, but enough to get by on a lot of different topics. Jack of all trades, as it were. And what I am about to say sounds lame (not in the sentiment, but more in the actual syllables and sounds), but I just want a goddamn boyfriend, damn it. Didn't help that last night this GORGEOUS guy stayed on my couch. He's a friend of my roommate from Utah, 6'5", red hair, well-built, scruffy beard and the sweetest guy. He bought a motorcycle in Boston, flew in to pick it up and now is riding back to Utah on it. He was just so damn attractive.
Problem is, I don't know where gay guys just hang out. I guess that's a plus and a minus about this city... the LGBT community is so well-integrated that there isn't really a gayborhood where all the queers hang out. The only identifiable location are the gay bars, and at that point everyone is just drunk and horny.
Aaaaaaand it's come to the point where this post got sufficiently whiny, so I think that's where I stop.
Oh, as a side note, I'm changing my name. I don't know to what, but it will change.
Don't get me wrong, I am so impressed and inspired by what my candidate has accomplished and how well she carries herself, but working on a candidate campaign during primary season is complete balls. At least conservatives and Republicans have the chutzpah to back a candidate early. Democrats either don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or are too wishy-washy to actually make a decision on who they want to be their candidate. Take my race, for instance.
There are now four "official" candidates running in this race. There are six names floating around, but one couldn't officially get on the ballot (but is running as a write-in candidate... good luck) and one couldn't qualify for the public funding option available in my state without one of their staffers being charged with fraud. Sucks for him, but great for my team as that's one less person we need to worry about.
So there are four democrats running for this position, and there doesn't seem to be a single democrat in my turf that will just come out and say who they are voting for. Even more frustrating than that is people don't understand the need for volunteers during a primary because most people see it as a warm up lap to the real race.
I have the utmost confidence that my candidate will win the primary. I really do. But my confidence doesn't translate to hard results, so my supervisors get pissed because my deliverables are low and my metrics are completely skewing the rest of the folks in the state.
The other problem is my turf is the base territory for an competing democrat, so most of the activists in the area are already on board with him and I can't pull them away.
I think the most frustrating thing about this whole effort is that the LGBT community here is siding primarily with one candidate because of a skewed sense of their involvement in our marriage equality fight. My candidate had a much bigger hand in the first stage of the campaign, and the other guy showed up to a phonebank or two, shook a few hands and disappeared.
Which leads into ANOTHER fantastic part of democratic primaries -- endless infighting. It should be obvious to everyone that in this kind of political climate, democrats need to stick together and unite or else batshit conservatives are going to take over. Don't misunderstand me... I know that there are conservative democrats and liberal republicans (socially liberal, at least) and I know the democrats, in reality, are simply the lesser of two evils (or three if you want to include the teabaggers) but the dems are more likely than any to further federal LGBT rights, even though they've been doing a crap job so far. Oye.
I do have to say though, both of my Senators are republicans, and they have BOTH signed on as co-sponsors of ENDA, so props to them. I just wish the one who is on the Armed Services Committee would move from tepid support to co-sponsorship of the repeal of DADT, but I know that's too much to ask. As long as she votes to move it out of committee, I think I can deal.
Wow. That was a lot of politics. I feel dirty.
One thing that kind of bugs me about working in field is that so much of it is on the phone, and that's a hassle. I can't ever do work in busy, high-traffic areas where I can just sit with my computer, instead I have to always be in a quiet, secluded space where I get distracted and, what I really meant to write about when I started this, no chance to meet people. I just want to meet people. Not political junkies, just normal people who are smart and funny and who don't really know a lot about one subject, but enough to get by on a lot of different topics. Jack of all trades, as it were. And what I am about to say sounds lame (not in the sentiment, but more in the actual syllables and sounds), but I just want a goddamn boyfriend, damn it. Didn't help that last night this GORGEOUS guy stayed on my couch. He's a friend of my roommate from Utah, 6'5", red hair, well-built, scruffy beard and the sweetest guy. He bought a motorcycle in Boston, flew in to pick it up and now is riding back to Utah on it. He was just so damn attractive.
Problem is, I don't know where gay guys just hang out. I guess that's a plus and a minus about this city... the LGBT community is so well-integrated that there isn't really a gayborhood where all the queers hang out. The only identifiable location are the gay bars, and at that point everyone is just drunk and horny.
Aaaaaaand it's come to the point where this post got sufficiently whiny, so I think that's where I stop.
Oh, as a side note, I'm changing my name. I don't know to what, but it will change.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Alive!
...ish. Getting over something-or-other while starting a new job and being courted by several other employers... apparently high-ranking political officials have much more faith in my abilities as an organizer than I do!
Shame about Massachusetts... first Teabagging Senator? I'd be willing to bet not technically the first (if you get my meaning) but... seriously! Why do off-year and special elections fuck Dems so painfully hard.
Shame about Massachusetts... first Teabagging Senator? I'd be willing to bet not technically the first (if you get my meaning) but... seriously! Why do off-year and special elections fuck Dems so painfully hard.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I was so right!
Totally regretting the last post! But it's not my style to delete, I prefer to backpaddle.
It has been a long time since I've been in anything that can be described as a relationship. A long time. So when I get those relationship pangs, I know I'm in no position right now with my job to actually have a relationship for two reasons: first and foremost, it's against the rules. Sort of. Staff can't date staff and staff can't date volunteers. And, martyr that I am, whenever I meet an interesting, funny, smart guy my instinct is to recruit them for a volunteer shift. It's like I'm flogging myself with a chastity belt, but so much less sexy than that! Secondly, I don't have the time and energy left over after work to be able to engage with anyone. I spend all day listening to life stories of the people I'm fighting for (and don't me wrong, it's the most fulfilling work I have ever done), so when I get home I just want to crawl into bed with a movie and turn my brain off.
At times when I do actually go out and socialize and am able to get my mind out of the campaign, that's when the desire for a relationship starts to seep back in. So one of the guys from another office (whom I love dearly, he's like my older brother and I admire him endlessly for the work he does and has been doing) calls me up last night at around 10 and asks me if I want to head into Philly to go to a couple bars in the area and out of some twisted place in my head I say yes. It's about an hour away, so I knew after the bars close at 2 I wouldn't be getting to sleep before 3. We meet up (and I meet his new boy... a hot, thug-ish guy who I never would guess was a catcher, let alone gay) I get some alcohol in me and suddenly all I want is contact. All I can think about is taking some guy home and... well, you can probably guess from the last post just what I wanted to do. Naturally, I deny any and all advances from everyone at these bars and go home alone. Not ideal, but I have a long day today (I'm writing this on my lunch break) and I just wanted to sleep in my own bed.
So somehow that desire for an actual relationship mutated into me talking about what I like to do in bed, and I realize that's awfully forward. The way I see it, I have enough great, intelligent people around me every day that I can get the physical stuff from a random stranger and everything will balance out. I know I'm wrong. I have no illusions about that.
So, sorry if the last post was too much! Again, it's how I roll. Especially when inebriated.
Anyways, now I'm hungover but it's not too bad, and I have good people around me again and I'm so freaking excited to see my family on Thursday. Life is pretty okay right now!
It has been a long time since I've been in anything that can be described as a relationship. A long time. So when I get those relationship pangs, I know I'm in no position right now with my job to actually have a relationship for two reasons: first and foremost, it's against the rules. Sort of. Staff can't date staff and staff can't date volunteers. And, martyr that I am, whenever I meet an interesting, funny, smart guy my instinct is to recruit them for a volunteer shift. It's like I'm flogging myself with a chastity belt, but so much less sexy than that! Secondly, I don't have the time and energy left over after work to be able to engage with anyone. I spend all day listening to life stories of the people I'm fighting for (and don't me wrong, it's the most fulfilling work I have ever done), so when I get home I just want to crawl into bed with a movie and turn my brain off.
At times when I do actually go out and socialize and am able to get my mind out of the campaign, that's when the desire for a relationship starts to seep back in. So one of the guys from another office (whom I love dearly, he's like my older brother and I admire him endlessly for the work he does and has been doing) calls me up last night at around 10 and asks me if I want to head into Philly to go to a couple bars in the area and out of some twisted place in my head I say yes. It's about an hour away, so I knew after the bars close at 2 I wouldn't be getting to sleep before 3. We meet up (and I meet his new boy... a hot, thug-ish guy who I never would guess was a catcher, let alone gay) I get some alcohol in me and suddenly all I want is contact. All I can think about is taking some guy home and... well, you can probably guess from the last post just what I wanted to do. Naturally, I deny any and all advances from everyone at these bars and go home alone. Not ideal, but I have a long day today (I'm writing this on my lunch break) and I just wanted to sleep in my own bed.
So somehow that desire for an actual relationship mutated into me talking about what I like to do in bed, and I realize that's awfully forward. The way I see it, I have enough great, intelligent people around me every day that I can get the physical stuff from a random stranger and everything will balance out. I know I'm wrong. I have no illusions about that.
So, sorry if the last post was too much! Again, it's how I roll. Especially when inebriated.
Anyways, now I'm hungover but it's not too bad, and I have good people around me again and I'm so freaking excited to see my family on Thursday. Life is pretty okay right now!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Enough about you, let's talk about me.
Alright! THIS is what I'm talking about. People of New Jersey, I now give you license to freak out.
And yet, with me barely able to open my door to get out to my car, my boss is expecting me to be ready to be at the office in 45 minutes. Oye. Organizing is a harsh mistress.
So I don't particularly like writing biographies, so I'll go with bullet forms.
- I am a 24 year old gay man who is out to pretty much everyone
- I have brown hair and blue eyes, and I have consistently had a beard since 2004
- I have a degree in drama from a top-ranked Canadian university
- I am a Leo and proudly identify with many of the accompanying characteristics (as well as the flaws)
- The fact that I have two (two!!) followers already astounds me
- I have two brothers and a sister, all younger
- My favorite movie the The Princess Bride, closely followed by Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
- My favorite artist is Andy Warhol, closely followed by daVinci
- My favorite musician is Regina Spektor, closely followed by Lady GaGa and the East Villiage Opera Company
- My favorite book is Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, closely followed by The Logogryph
- My favorite sport to watch is tennis, followed by rugby
- My favorite sport to play is tennis, followed by track and field
- I hate american football with a passion, and basketball players are goddamned divas. Baseball is boring.
- I use twitter, and the people I follow are friends, family, porn stars and the cast of Glee
- I have piercings and tattoos, but not telling you where
- I still watch Saturday morning cartoons
- I don't have a "type" per se, but am generally attracted to older men
- I identify as a "cub", although I have been called an "otter" and a "koala bear". Which confuses me a little.
- Hugh Jackman is the hottest man on earth. This is not something about me, but a concrete fact.
- I refused to wear jeans until I was in university, and for no particular reason.
- I refuse to wear tube socks unless I am wearing boots
- Multi-player online games annoy and intimidate me - gimme Mario for NES and I am a happy boy.
- I hate it when people use the word "boi" and make fun of people who hate the word "moist"
- I have only ever once dressed in drag, and it was as a nun with a penchant for naughty undergarments. On stage, in front of 300 people.
- My name is Evan, I am a mac.
Et voila!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
It is snowing in New Jersey, and people are acting like the world is about to end. How can there be so little preparation for snow in this state?
So it looks like my stint in New Jersey is coming to an end. Major budget cuts reduced my salary by 75%, which translates to me heading back to Maine and getting a job working for health care, a debate which I have been sorely absent from. I have no idea what's happening there because I've been living marriage equality all day every day for nigh on ten months now. I'm a little intimidated, to be honest. There's so much work that has gone into creating this goddamned bill that now... well who knows.
I feel really bad about it too. Like I'm deserting the people of New Jersey. Like I'm dropping marriage equality as the most important thing to me right now.
I've been working on an open letter to New Jersey, and will post it soon. Kind of a dry run for future open letters. Not that anyone will read it, but at least it's out there. And maybe a bio. Not that anyone would care all that much.
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