The one where I can't make up a witty title!

I am sitting in a little café/restaurant in Dupont Circle right now, and it’s lovely. There are piles of black snow along the road, the weather is terrible and I have to lug around very heavy bags in the sleety/slushy rain but it is lovely. DC is my city. After being here for two days, I know this is where I belong. Everything is here. Every organization, every consulate, every groups of thoughtful individuals who want their voice heard is here. True, I was here at the same time as CPAC (I saw Ann Coulter within hours of arriving in the city! …ew) but I have never felt more in sync with a place than I do with DC. I didn’t get to see any museums or see any of the amazing things this city has to offer but I know I will. I belong here.

I spent two days with 600 progressive activists at an “unconference” sponsored by the New Organizing Institute. It was amazing. I swear, if you were to map my brain waves, there is no difference in the activity when I’m talking about politics than when I’m having sex. It is just such a rush. I focused my weekend on LGBT sessions and learned quite a bit. It was great! The last session I attended really got my blood going. It was discussing this idea that instead of fighting whole-hog for marriage, we need to take incremental steps. It was run by the IT director for the Approve 71 campaign out in Washington state. They won domestic partnerships statewide this past election. Thing is, they didn’t settle for it. They didn’t aim for marriage and get knocked down to DPs, this was their original intent. Is that wise? Opinions differed greatly, and I saw a stark divide among the generations. The men and women who have been fighting this battle since the 60s and 70s saw incremental steps as a victory, and we should take what we can get. My generation was much more apt to defend the idea of going for marriage and not settling for anything else. My argument for marriage, not civil unions or domestic partnerships (or “garriage”… fucking stupid) comes from New Jersey, where they have a civil unions law. So the argument for marriage was no longer “we deserve these rights and protections” but now “why civil unions aren’t enough”. That’s a very difficult conversation to have. We heard senator form NJ talking about “fixing” the civil union law and making harsher penalties for people who break that law. I’m sorry, but instilling harsher penalties for people who discriminate against LGBT couples are special rights, which is just fueling the right’s argument that we’re trying to gain those “special”, not basic, rights.

In Maine, we lost and we don’t have marriage. In Washington, they won and they don’t have marriage. In Maine, we know how to structure the marriage conversation so that it fits Mainers, but now in  Washington they have to come up with an entirely new strategy of why domestic partnerships are not enough (and maybe having to combat the question “if DPS are not enough, why didn’t you go for marriage?”) and make sure that is tailored to something that Washingtonians can understand and buy into.

It was a fun discussion, let me tell you.

While in the city I met up with a bunch of people that I worked on the Maine marriage campaign with, which was delightful. I got into the city and had dinner with three of the folks who were organizers. One lived right in the city so instead of staying with the other two (way out in Bethesda) I stayed with the one in DC we went to a few bars, came home, and promptly fucked. It was... weird. I mean it was good, but it was weird. Because there had never really been any of that tension or anything back in Maine. I'm about to meet up with him to say bye since I fly back to Maine late tonight.

The last two nights I stayed at my other friend's place also right in DC. I have had a very big crush on him since I first met him back in... September, maybe? He works for the firm that did all the polling for the campaign, super hot, super smart and really funny. I was all excited to see him because since we last saw each other, I have lost some weight, toned up a bit and, quite frankly, looked good.  Saturday morning he tells me that he wasn't going to get back into town until Sunday around 4 or 5 in the afternoon, but that his friend Chris who he works will can hide a key by the door for me that night. I get to his place, find the key (after a little confusion) and settle in. He has one roommate, but she was staying in Virginia for the night, so I had the run of the place. His bed was so. Goddamn. Comfortable. It was amazing. Like sleeping in a cloud. I sat down at 10:30 at night to watch a movie (I needed an easy night) and promptly fell asleep.

The next day he texts me with when he's going to be in and that he wants to make dinner for "everyone". I ask him who that includes and he replies him, his roommate, his friend Chris and me. And then texts me to let me know that he and Chris have kind of been seeing each other for the past month and that his roommate was a little weirded out since they had all worked together. Eugh. I felt my stomach just drop. I got over it rather quickly and was able to just go along throughout the day anyways and when I did finally meet up, the pangs of jealously weren't as bad as I had anticipated. Chris is (of course) great, and cute, and funny. 

Damnit.

But then that got me thinking (baaaaaad thinking) about something. Like the Julie/Julia project, where a woman cooked her way through Mastering the Art of French Cooking, I started toying with the idea of dating my way through the dating sites. Chemistry, e-Harmony, Match.com, Plenty of Fish and Lava Life. More to come with this as I flesh out the idea to determine it's viability.

I’m going to try to find a job in DC sometime over the next year. I think it would be a great move for me, but I’m conflicted about it. I love working in politics (let’s see if I still say that after November… I may swear it off again, but who knows?) but I really want to pursue acting, and part of me feels like moving to DC will cement that politico in me as the dominant career desire. Maybe it’s for the best, since I haven’t been on stage in a long, long time. I guess this is all up in the air and I don’t think I’ll really have to start thinking about it until the summer. At which point, I now realize, I need to test out what DC feels like then. I hear summers in DC are a new kind of hell, and that’s not really something I want to have to deal with, unless I have A/C with me everywhere I go. Which won’t happen.

In other news, I've moved and I really enjoy the new place. Still in Maine (DC is calling very, very loudly), but at least in Portland now. I've quit my job and next Monday I start working on a gubernatorial campaign.

**Note: by the time I actually post this, I'm sitting in the BWI airport (where I had to pay $9.95 to get on the goddamn network) listening to a HILARIOUS Dan Savage podcast. He is so funny, so smart, and so ridiculously sexy.

Two Things

First, in regards to an older post, I was wrong, I can not really understand why people of faith who are elected to represent all of the people in their district vote against equality. I guess I wanted to sound tolerant of organized religion. I don't know why, since I'm not. I never fault the individual but the church is so destructive. Hate the organization, not the individual. Hate the sin, not the sinner. Hm.

Secondly, I am really, really frustrated and disappointed in the New Jersey legislature. It is not looking good here in the Garden State (also, Garden State? How could that NOT be gay?!). Five republican Sentors (Keane, Kean, Ciesla, Bateman and Beck) came out against the bill, instead saying they could fix New jersey's Civil Unions Law, in effect saying the legislature didn't do it's job.

A few years ago, the New Jersey court system declared that restricting the benefits for "marriage" to heterosexual couples was unlawful. An institution identical to marriage was created, and the legislature was given the task of choosing either "civil union" or "marriage." They went with civil union.

The courts made it so that on paper, the two legal structures are identical so, in effect, they are claiming that there is a fundamental flaw in the New Jersey Marriage Laws. It's ridiculous. The only way to fix the law is to just call it marriage, but they can't get their heads out of their asses to see it that way.

I keep trying to remember that I am on the right side of history, the winning side, but it's hard to always look up when you keep getting slapped in the face.

And yet, while I may regret this later...

Having just returned back to NJ after a night in Philly at a gay bar, I feel as though this post needs to be prefaced with the following:

I am drunk.

I pride myself on being a person who does not easily succumb to addiction. There was a period in university where, for at least 2-3 months, I smoked pot every day. Granted, I was a leisurely pot smoker all through university and to this day, however at most it's once or twice a week now. Seriously, 2 or 3 months where I got high every day. I kept my grades up, I was never high in class, I even consistently went to the gym, but as soon as I was done for the day, the joints came out and the pipes breathed easy once more. Then one day, for no particular reason, I decided to stop. Cold turkey, I didn't smoke again for a year, maybe more. No reason, I just didn't feel like it anymore, proving that pot had no control over me. I have of course resumed smoking pot, but not because I felt I needed to. I had just remembered how wonderful it felt. I think I can attribute that to the fact that I quit for a while, so that initial high never became complacency...  I never really got used to it and so I never felt the need to get higher and higher... I would only ever just have a good buzz going.

I tell this story because there is a vice I have that, no matter where I am or what I am doing, I have never been able to shake. It's a thought that is always in my head and it has led me to dangerous, foolish situations.

At this point, there's no dancing around the subject. I am addicted to giving head. There is no sexual act I enjoy more than going down on another guy and it's not really something I can control. Craigslist, manhunt, adam4adam... friends, teammates, classmates, teachers... it's somewhat alarming that I'm still STI free (I was tested a couple weeks ago).

Why I feel the need to share this I can't really explain. Maybe the few who read this can offer me some insight.  Maybe because it's been so long since the last time I've felt that irreplaceable feeling of a man that causes me to be so forthcoming.

Then again, I have been drinking.

Enough about you, let's talk about me.

Alright! THIS is what I'm talking about. People of New Jersey, I now give you license to freak out.

And yet, with me barely able to open my door to get out to my car, my boss is expecting me to be ready to be at the office in 45 minutes. Oye. Organizing is a harsh mistress.

So I don't particularly like writing biographies, so I'll go with bullet forms.

• I am a 24 year old gay man who is out to pretty much everyone
• I have brown hair and blue eyes, and I have consistently had a beard since 2004
• I have a degree in drama from a top-ranked Canadian university
• I am a Leo and proudly identify with many of the accompanying characteristics (as well as the flaws)
• The fact that I have two (two!!) followers already astounds me
• I have two brothers and a sister, all younger
• My favorite movie the The Princess Bride, closely followed by Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
• My favorite artist is Andy Warhol, closely followed by daVinci
• My favorite musician is Regina Spektor, closely followed by Lady GaGa and the East Villiage Opera Company
• My favorite book is Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, closely followed by The Logogryph
• My favorite sport to watch is tennis, followed by rugby
• My favorite sport to play is tennis, followed by track and field
• I hate american football with a passion, and basketball players are goddamned divas. Baseball is boring.
• I use twitter, and the people I follow are friends, family, porn stars and the cast of Glee
• I have piercings and tattoos, but not telling you where
• I still watch Saturday morning cartoons
• I don't have a "type" per se, but am generally attracted to older men
• I identify as a "cub", although I have been called an "otter" and a "koala bear". Which confuses me a little.
• Hugh Jackman is the hottest man on earth. This is not something about me, but a concrete fact.
• I refused to wear jeans until I was in university, and for no particular reason.
• I refuse to wear tube socks unless I am wearing boots
• Multi-player online games annoy and intimidate me - gimme Mario for NES and I am a happy boy.
• I hate it when people use the word "boi" and make fun of people who hate the word "moist"
• I have only ever once dressed in drag, and it was as a nun with a penchant for naughty undergarments. On stage, in front of 300 people.
• My name is Evan, I am a mac.

Et voila!

It is snowing in New Jersey, and people are acting like the world is about to end. How can there be so little preparation for snow in this state?

So it looks like my stint in New Jersey is coming to an end. Major budget cuts reduced my salary by 75%, which translates to me heading back to Maine and getting a job working for health care, a debate which I have been sorely absent from. I have no idea what's happening there because I've been living marriage equality all day every day for nigh on ten months now. I'm a little intimidated, to be honest. There's so much work that has gone into creating this goddamned bill that now... well who knows.

I feel really bad about it too. Like I'm deserting the people of New Jersey. Like I'm dropping marriage equality as the most important thing to me right now.

I've been working on an open letter to New Jersey, and will post it soon. Kind of a dry run for future open letters. Not that anyone will read it, but at least it's out there. And maybe a bio. Not that anyone would care all that much.