I was so right!

Totally regretting the last post! But it's not my style to delete, I prefer to backpaddle.

It has been a long time since I've been in anything that can be described as a relationship. A long time. So when I get those relationship pangs, I know I'm in no position right now with my job to actually have a relationship for two reasons: first and foremost, it's against the rules. Sort of. Staff can't date staff and staff can't date volunteers. And, martyr that I am, whenever I meet an interesting, funny, smart guy my instinct is to recruit them for a volunteer shift. It's like I'm flogging myself with a chastity belt, but so much less sexy than that! Secondly, I don't have the time and energy left over after work to be able to engage with anyone. I spend all day listening to life stories of the people I'm fighting for (and don't me wrong, it's the most fulfilling work I have ever done), so when I get home I just want to crawl into bed with a movie and turn my brain off.

At times when I do actually go out and socialize and am able to get my mind out of the campaign, that's when the desire for a relationship starts to seep back in. So one of the guys from another office (whom I love dearly, he's like my older brother and I admire him endlessly for the work he does and has been doing) calls me up last night at around 10 and asks me if I want to head into Philly to go to a couple bars in the area and out of some twisted place in my head I say yes. It's about an hour away, so I knew after the bars close at 2 I wouldn't be getting to sleep before 3. We meet up (and I meet his new boy... a hot, thug-ish guy who I never would guess was a catcher, let alone gay) I get some alcohol in me and suddenly all I want is contact. All I can think about is taking some guy home and... well, you can probably guess from the last post just what I wanted to do. Naturally, I deny any and all advances from everyone at these bars and go home alone. Not ideal, but I have a long day today (I'm writing this on my lunch break) and I just wanted to sleep in my own bed.

So somehow that desire for an actual relationship mutated into me talking about what I like to do in bed, and I realize that's awfully forward. The way I see it, I have enough great, intelligent people around me every day that I can get the physical stuff from a random stranger and everything will balance out. I know I'm wrong. I have no illusions about that.

So, sorry if the last post was too much! Again, it's how I roll. Especially when inebriated.

Anyways, now I'm hungover but it's not too bad, and I have good people around me again and I'm so freaking excited to see my family on Thursday. Life is pretty okay right now!