I was fired today.
I no longer have a source of income, I no longer have health insurance, I will likely have an odd break in my resume, and I have nothing to fill my time from when I wake up until when I go to bed.
I'm a little numb right now. But... numb on the side of happy. I feel relieved. I feel like a person's fate is no longer in my hands. I just... I'm relieved.
I'm sure this feeling will evaporate later, but I really don't care. Because at least I feel something.
I've spent the last... month? Two months? Who knows... just not caring. I honestly thought I might have been coming down with depression with all that not caring I've been doing. I wouldn't say I'm particularly enthused, but I'm not panicked, or sad, or angry (or surprised, really).
And I don't know what this will do for my political career in the state, but at this point, I'm not as concerned.
I feel tingly all over.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Roots
I originally started this blog with the intent of writing "open letters" to people. Not anyone specific necessarily, but communities, groups, organizations, what have you. I wrote one to New Jersey once. It was amazingly lame.
I'm feeling generally dissatisfied about life recently. I can't really put a finger on it, but I have a good feeling it's because I'm not doing what I want to be doing. I want to be on stage or in front of a camera, or writing a play or a book. That's what I went to school for. I spent five years learning about Brecht and Stanislovski and Brooks and MacIvor (it was in Canada, after all). I split my focus between queer theatre and semiotics. I got to work with some of the largest queer playwrights and production companies in Canada, and I wrote papers on how eight blocks of wood painted black are all you need to mount "America Hurrah!" because a box is a chair is a throne is a castle is a kingdom is a tyranny.
I miss it. I want to go back to it. I want to memorize lines and freak out when I drop one. I want to go through the long, agonizing hours of a level set and q-2-q and see the finished product. I want the costume fittings and the breathing exercises and the tongue twisters. A hot cup of coffee in a proper copper coffee pot. She sells sea shells by the sea shore. Lemon face, lion face. Unique New York. Toy boat.
The last show I was in was a modern translation of "The Bacchai" by Colin Teevan. I played Cadmus, the aged King and founder of Thebes, who killed a mighty dragon and sowed its' teeth in the ground, from which the people of Thebes grew. He was a grandfather of Dionysus, god of wine and the theatre.
The first play I did was Shakespeare. I loathe Shakespeare. Mostly because no one ever plays it right. They speak in verse whenever its performed, even at college levels. It's not meant to be spoken in verse! In fact, the only reason I can stand reading or watching any production of Romeo and Juliet is because when I stage managed the show a couple years ago, the director brought everyone together and told us not to take the show seriously. The greatest love story ever told? Hardly! It was two horny teenagers who wanted to bone. Juliet was only fourteen and Romeo was seventeen. HORNY TEENAGERS. That's it!
I'm getting nostalgic.
I'm feeling generally dissatisfied about life recently. I can't really put a finger on it, but I have a good feeling it's because I'm not doing what I want to be doing. I want to be on stage or in front of a camera, or writing a play or a book. That's what I went to school for. I spent five years learning about Brecht and Stanislovski and Brooks and MacIvor (it was in Canada, after all). I split my focus between queer theatre and semiotics. I got to work with some of the largest queer playwrights and production companies in Canada, and I wrote papers on how eight blocks of wood painted black are all you need to mount "America Hurrah!" because a box is a chair is a throne is a castle is a kingdom is a tyranny.
I miss it. I want to go back to it. I want to memorize lines and freak out when I drop one. I want to go through the long, agonizing hours of a level set and q-2-q and see the finished product. I want the costume fittings and the breathing exercises and the tongue twisters. A hot cup of coffee in a proper copper coffee pot. She sells sea shells by the sea shore. Lemon face, lion face. Unique New York. Toy boat.
The last show I was in was a modern translation of "The Bacchai" by Colin Teevan. I played Cadmus, the aged King and founder of Thebes, who killed a mighty dragon and sowed its' teeth in the ground, from which the people of Thebes grew. He was a grandfather of Dionysus, god of wine and the theatre.
The first play I did was Shakespeare. I loathe Shakespeare. Mostly because no one ever plays it right. They speak in verse whenever its performed, even at college levels. It's not meant to be spoken in verse! In fact, the only reason I can stand reading or watching any production of Romeo and Juliet is because when I stage managed the show a couple years ago, the director brought everyone together and told us not to take the show seriously. The greatest love story ever told? Hardly! It was two horny teenagers who wanted to bone. Juliet was only fourteen and Romeo was seventeen. HORNY TEENAGERS. That's it!
I'm getting nostalgic.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Eff this noise
Seriously.
Don't get me wrong, I am so impressed and inspired by what my candidate has accomplished and how well she carries herself, but working on a candidate campaign during primary season is complete balls. At least conservatives and Republicans have the chutzpah to back a candidate early. Democrats either don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or are too wishy-washy to actually make a decision on who they want to be their candidate. Take my race, for instance.
There are now four "official" candidates running in this race. There are six names floating around, but one couldn't officially get on the ballot (but is running as a write-in candidate... good luck) and one couldn't qualify for the public funding option available in my state without one of their staffers being charged with fraud. Sucks for him, but great for my team as that's one less person we need to worry about.
So there are four democrats running for this position, and there doesn't seem to be a single democrat in my turf that will just come out and say who they are voting for. Even more frustrating than that is people don't understand the need for volunteers during a primary because most people see it as a warm up lap to the real race.
I have the utmost confidence that my candidate will win the primary. I really do. But my confidence doesn't translate to hard results, so my supervisors get pissed because my deliverables are low and my metrics are completely skewing the rest of the folks in the state.
The other problem is my turf is the base territory for an competing democrat, so most of the activists in the area are already on board with him and I can't pull them away.
I think the most frustrating thing about this whole effort is that the LGBT community here is siding primarily with one candidate because of a skewed sense of their involvement in our marriage equality fight. My candidate had a much bigger hand in the first stage of the campaign, and the other guy showed up to a phonebank or two, shook a few hands and disappeared.
Which leads into ANOTHER fantastic part of democratic primaries -- endless infighting. It should be obvious to everyone that in this kind of political climate, democrats need to stick together and unite or else batshit conservatives are going to take over. Don't misunderstand me... I know that there are conservative democrats and liberal republicans (socially liberal, at least) and I know the democrats, in reality, are simply the lesser of two evils (or three if you want to include the teabaggers) but the dems are more likely than any to further federal LGBT rights, even though they've been doing a crap job so far. Oye.
I do have to say though, both of my Senators are republicans, and they have BOTH signed on as co-sponsors of ENDA, so props to them. I just wish the one who is on the Armed Services Committee would move from tepid support to co-sponsorship of the repeal of DADT, but I know that's too much to ask. As long as she votes to move it out of committee, I think I can deal.
Wow. That was a lot of politics. I feel dirty.
One thing that kind of bugs me about working in field is that so much of it is on the phone, and that's a hassle. I can't ever do work in busy, high-traffic areas where I can just sit with my computer, instead I have to always be in a quiet, secluded space where I get distracted and, what I really meant to write about when I started this, no chance to meet people. I just want to meet people. Not political junkies, just normal people who are smart and funny and who don't really know a lot about one subject, but enough to get by on a lot of different topics. Jack of all trades, as it were. And what I am about to say sounds lame (not in the sentiment, but more in the actual syllables and sounds), but I just want a goddamn boyfriend, damn it. Didn't help that last night this GORGEOUS guy stayed on my couch. He's a friend of my roommate from Utah, 6'5", red hair, well-built, scruffy beard and the sweetest guy. He bought a motorcycle in Boston, flew in to pick it up and now is riding back to Utah on it. He was just so damn attractive.
Problem is, I don't know where gay guys just hang out. I guess that's a plus and a minus about this city... the LGBT community is so well-integrated that there isn't really a gayborhood where all the queers hang out. The only identifiable location are the gay bars, and at that point everyone is just drunk and horny.
Aaaaaaand it's come to the point where this post got sufficiently whiny, so I think that's where I stop.
Oh, as a side note, I'm changing my name. I don't know to what, but it will change.
Don't get me wrong, I am so impressed and inspired by what my candidate has accomplished and how well she carries herself, but working on a candidate campaign during primary season is complete balls. At least conservatives and Republicans have the chutzpah to back a candidate early. Democrats either don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or are too wishy-washy to actually make a decision on who they want to be their candidate. Take my race, for instance.
There are now four "official" candidates running in this race. There are six names floating around, but one couldn't officially get on the ballot (but is running as a write-in candidate... good luck) and one couldn't qualify for the public funding option available in my state without one of their staffers being charged with fraud. Sucks for him, but great for my team as that's one less person we need to worry about.
So there are four democrats running for this position, and there doesn't seem to be a single democrat in my turf that will just come out and say who they are voting for. Even more frustrating than that is people don't understand the need for volunteers during a primary because most people see it as a warm up lap to the real race.
I have the utmost confidence that my candidate will win the primary. I really do. But my confidence doesn't translate to hard results, so my supervisors get pissed because my deliverables are low and my metrics are completely skewing the rest of the folks in the state.
The other problem is my turf is the base territory for an competing democrat, so most of the activists in the area are already on board with him and I can't pull them away.
I think the most frustrating thing about this whole effort is that the LGBT community here is siding primarily with one candidate because of a skewed sense of their involvement in our marriage equality fight. My candidate had a much bigger hand in the first stage of the campaign, and the other guy showed up to a phonebank or two, shook a few hands and disappeared.
Which leads into ANOTHER fantastic part of democratic primaries -- endless infighting. It should be obvious to everyone that in this kind of political climate, democrats need to stick together and unite or else batshit conservatives are going to take over. Don't misunderstand me... I know that there are conservative democrats and liberal republicans (socially liberal, at least) and I know the democrats, in reality, are simply the lesser of two evils (or three if you want to include the teabaggers) but the dems are more likely than any to further federal LGBT rights, even though they've been doing a crap job so far. Oye.
I do have to say though, both of my Senators are republicans, and they have BOTH signed on as co-sponsors of ENDA, so props to them. I just wish the one who is on the Armed Services Committee would move from tepid support to co-sponsorship of the repeal of DADT, but I know that's too much to ask. As long as she votes to move it out of committee, I think I can deal.
Wow. That was a lot of politics. I feel dirty.
One thing that kind of bugs me about working in field is that so much of it is on the phone, and that's a hassle. I can't ever do work in busy, high-traffic areas where I can just sit with my computer, instead I have to always be in a quiet, secluded space where I get distracted and, what I really meant to write about when I started this, no chance to meet people. I just want to meet people. Not political junkies, just normal people who are smart and funny and who don't really know a lot about one subject, but enough to get by on a lot of different topics. Jack of all trades, as it were. And what I am about to say sounds lame (not in the sentiment, but more in the actual syllables and sounds), but I just want a goddamn boyfriend, damn it. Didn't help that last night this GORGEOUS guy stayed on my couch. He's a friend of my roommate from Utah, 6'5", red hair, well-built, scruffy beard and the sweetest guy. He bought a motorcycle in Boston, flew in to pick it up and now is riding back to Utah on it. He was just so damn attractive.
Problem is, I don't know where gay guys just hang out. I guess that's a plus and a minus about this city... the LGBT community is so well-integrated that there isn't really a gayborhood where all the queers hang out. The only identifiable location are the gay bars, and at that point everyone is just drunk and horny.
Aaaaaaand it's come to the point where this post got sufficiently whiny, so I think that's where I stop.
Oh, as a side note, I'm changing my name. I don't know to what, but it will change.
Friday, April 16, 2010
So, taking a vast departure from my last post, I have this thought.
On hulu, there's a car commercial with two different lines that just... I just don't think they should be in a commercial. One is "thanks to all the 5,000 tests that..." something about making it a safe car. To which I thought, isn't that just like saying "thanks, me! I did a great job!" which I understand is the point of a commercial, to sell your product, but it was just... eugh. And then they say that JD Power and Associates ranked them first in initial quality. Initial quality. So you know it's worth a lot initially but that shit depreciates fast.
This is also the post where, apparently, I have rediscovered html?
And tomorrow is the Day of Silence. Juxtaposed with the Day of Truth. Both are equally effective in bringing attention to an issue that is being ignored. Each in their different way... one is trying to confront it and solve it, one is trying to hide it and pretend like nothing is wrong, and that it's completely okay for LGBTQ youth to be bullied. That it's okay for teachers and administrators to allow this, to let kids beat up on other kids, to let them taunt them because they're different, and to actively say that there is something wrong and perverse with a kid. It's just disgusting.
On hulu, there's a car commercial with two different lines that just... I just don't think they should be in a commercial. One is "thanks to all the 5,000 tests that..." something about making it a safe car. To which I thought, isn't that just like saying "thanks, me! I did a great job!" which I understand is the point of a commercial, to sell your product, but it was just... eugh. And then they say that JD Power and Associates ranked them first in initial quality. Initial quality. So you know it's worth a lot initially but that shit depreciates fast.
This is also the post where, apparently, I have rediscovered html?
And tomorrow is the Day of Silence. Juxtaposed with the Day of Truth. Both are equally effective in bringing attention to an issue that is being ignored. Each in their different way... one is trying to confront it and solve it, one is trying to hide it and pretend like nothing is wrong, and that it's completely okay for LGBTQ youth to be bullied. That it's okay for teachers and administrators to allow this, to let kids beat up on other kids, to let them taunt them because they're different, and to actively say that there is something wrong and perverse with a kid. It's just disgusting.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I am so sick of this. I'm sick of being sick and not being able to know what it is, I'm sick of not having any money, I'm sick of having such a low image of myself, I'm sick of trying to enjoy my job when I just... hate it. I hate organizing now, and I don't know why. It's just so draining and I don't have the energy to do it anymore. I'm sick of my car breaking down all the time, I'm sick of being goddamn single, I'm sick of going online to hook up with older guys who find some thrill in being able to fuck someone half their age just so I can feel like I'm attractive. I am so. fucking. sick of it.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tell me what you think about your situation
I am getting fucking fired up. Three stories came up today that make me want to shout and scream and just punch people in their goddamn faces.
Portland Catholic Diocese pulls funding from homeless shelter after said shelter supported marriage equality. (Portland Press Herald)
18-year-old gay student in Georgia who got the okay to bring his boyfriend to prom has been kicked out of his own home. (macon.com)
Senator from Utah proposes amendment to HCR bill that would suspend same-sex marriage in DC until people can vote on the issue. (DC Wire)
Portland Catholic Diocese pulls funding from homeless shelter after said shelter supported marriage equality. (Portland Press Herald)
18-year-old gay student in Georgia who got the okay to bring his boyfriend to prom has been kicked out of his own home. (macon.com)
Senator from Utah proposes amendment to HCR bill that would suspend same-sex marriage in DC until people can vote on the issue. (DC Wire)
Monday, March 15, 2010
So I think I know why I freaked out, lied and said I had a boyfriend to the amazing cute guy who hit on me at the bar. It's because after that I starting thinking about hooking up with him. And then hooking up with other guys. And then thinking about how one of those hook-up could possibly hold the potential for a relationship. And then thinking about how it's been so long since I've had a boyfriend that I would probably suck at being one, and how I really, really want one. I was driving with my roommate today and he mentioned how wanting a boyfriend and a relationship was weird and needy. I absolutely disagree, but I didn't really feel like getting heckled by him so I said nothing. And I know that he wants one too, he's just too blind to realize that he has something great right in front of him (who he's actually out to dinner with right now...) but instead keeps falling back in line with the same abusive alcoholic moron that keeps pulling him down.
If this guy can have two (or more) potential people to date, why the fuck can't I find one? I don't particularly like the bar scene here, since it seems everyone has already fucked everyone else (or fucked someone who did), and going online just seems... weird. I mean, what kind of people are so socially inept that they have to go online to find potential mates? Oh... right.
It's so fucking frustrating that it just makes me want to go back to craigslist to find random hookups and hide in being used.
If this guy can have two (or more) potential people to date, why the fuck can't I find one? I don't particularly like the bar scene here, since it seems everyone has already fucked everyone else (or fucked someone who did), and going online just seems... weird. I mean, what kind of people are so socially inept that they have to go online to find potential mates? Oh... right.
It's so fucking frustrating that it just makes me want to go back to craigslist to find random hookups and hide in being used.
Friday, March 12, 2010
What the FUCK is wrong with it
And by it I mean me.
Tonight I was at a bar, and it was fun. We were playing pool and all was great. I went to the bar to get a drink for my friend and a glass of water for myself. This really, really cute guy started talking to me, asking me if I had a boyfriend. I panicked. I said I did and that he was out of town, a flat-out lie.
I don't know why I can so easily hook up with men on the internet but when it comes to in-person, I freeze and have panic attacks. I actually had to leave the bar and sit in my car for a few minutes before i could go back inside. It was a bad, bad situation and only made me feel worse about myself. My roommate tells me that I am a great guy, a really cute guy, who deserves better. But I have this tendency to self-destruct.
I know where this insecurity comes from, but I do not know how to overcome it. I just don't and I can't figure out why. Maybe I should see a professional about it because at this point it is seriously crippling me and my social life. I haven't had a boyfriend in YEARS and part of that is because a large part of me finds that level of intimacy really terrifying.
While in the car, I called the savage lovecast hotline. I wonder if Dan will get back to me. We'll see.
Tonight I was at a bar, and it was fun. We were playing pool and all was great. I went to the bar to get a drink for my friend and a glass of water for myself. This really, really cute guy started talking to me, asking me if I had a boyfriend. I panicked. I said I did and that he was out of town, a flat-out lie.
I don't know why I can so easily hook up with men on the internet but when it comes to in-person, I freeze and have panic attacks. I actually had to leave the bar and sit in my car for a few minutes before i could go back inside. It was a bad, bad situation and only made me feel worse about myself. My roommate tells me that I am a great guy, a really cute guy, who deserves better. But I have this tendency to self-destruct.
I know where this insecurity comes from, but I do not know how to overcome it. I just don't and I can't figure out why. Maybe I should see a professional about it because at this point it is seriously crippling me and my social life. I haven't had a boyfriend in YEARS and part of that is because a large part of me finds that level of intimacy really terrifying.
While in the car, I called the savage lovecast hotline. I wonder if Dan will get back to me. We'll see.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Drunk again!
WATCH OUT. I am DANGEROUS in this state.
I am in one of those "I LOVE EVERYONE" drunk states, which tend to depress me, since when I awake from said drunk state, I realize most people are complete dicks.
At this point I could care less.
Sometimes... most of the time... I wish I could be one of those people who can make a semi-accurate statement about the human condition in 6 to 10 words. Then I realize most of the people who were able to do that are now dead.
Oh, and that maybe the human condition wasn't meant to be described in 10 words or less (or 100, or 1,000) and that it is ongoing!
And once again, I realize I am not the first person to discover said epiphany,
But I know I'm in good company, and that makes me happy.
I feel the need to qualify my statement earlier, re: people and their dick-ness.
There are many dickish people in this world, yet I feel it's safe to assume there are an equal number of non-dickish people as well, they just don't realize it or haven't found a venue in which to realize their non-dickishnes. Not a word. Let's roll with it anyways,
Time for sleep!
PS - Though born and bred American, I was totally cheering for Canada during the Olympic Hockey Finals. OH CANADA!!
PPS - If you haven't done a google image search for Sidney Crosby, DO IT NOW.
I am in one of those "I LOVE EVERYONE" drunk states, which tend to depress me, since when I awake from said drunk state, I realize most people are complete dicks.
At this point I could care less.
Sometimes... most of the time... I wish I could be one of those people who can make a semi-accurate statement about the human condition in 6 to 10 words. Then I realize most of the people who were able to do that are now dead.
Oh, and that maybe the human condition wasn't meant to be described in 10 words or less (or 100, or 1,000) and that it is ongoing!
And once again, I realize I am not the first person to discover said epiphany,
But I know I'm in good company, and that makes me happy.
I feel the need to qualify my statement earlier, re: people and their dick-ness.
There are many dickish people in this world, yet I feel it's safe to assume there are an equal number of non-dickish people as well, they just don't realize it or haven't found a venue in which to realize their non-dickishnes. Not a word. Let's roll with it anyways,
Time for sleep!
PS - Though born and bred American, I was totally cheering for Canada during the Olympic Hockey Finals. OH CANADA!!
PPS - If you haven't done a google image search for Sidney Crosby, DO IT NOW.
Monday, February 22, 2010
The one where I can't make up a witty title!
I am sitting in a little café/restaurant in Dupont Circle right now, and it’s lovely. There are piles of black snow along the road, the weather is terrible and I have to lug around very heavy bags in the sleety/slushy rain but it is lovely. DC is my city. After being here for two days, I know this is where I belong. Everything is here. Every organization, every consulate, every groups of thoughtful individuals who want their voice heard is here. True, I was here at the same time as CPAC (I saw Ann Coulter within hours of arriving in the city! …ew) but I have never felt more in sync with a place than I do with DC. I didn’t get to see any museums or see any of the amazing things this city has to offer but I know I will. I belong here.
I spent two days with 600 progressive activists at an “unconference” sponsored by the New Organizing Institute. It was amazing. I swear, if you were to map my brain waves, there is no difference in the activity when I’m talking about politics than when I’m having sex. It is just such a rush. I focused my weekend on LGBT sessions and learned quite a bit. It was great! The last session I attended really got my blood going. It was discussing this idea that instead of fighting whole-hog for marriage, we need to take incremental steps. It was run by the IT director for the Approve 71 campaign out in Washington state. They won domestic partnerships statewide this past election. Thing is, they didn’t settle for it. They didn’t aim for marriage and get knocked down to DPs, this was their original intent. Is that wise? Opinions differed greatly, and I saw a stark divide among the generations. The men and women who have been fighting this battle since the 60s and 70s saw incremental steps as a victory, and we should take what we can get. My generation was much more apt to defend the idea of going for marriage and not settling for anything else. My argument for marriage, not civil unions or domestic partnerships (or “garriage”… fucking stupid) comes from New Jersey, where they have a civil unions law. So the argument for marriage was no longer “we deserve these rights and protections” but now “why civil unions aren’t enough”. That’s a very difficult conversation to have. We heard senator form NJ talking about “fixing” the civil union law and making harsher penalties for people who break that law. I’m sorry, but instilling harsher penalties for people who discriminate against LGBT couples are special rights, which is just fueling the right’s argument that we’re trying to gain those “special”, not basic, rights.
In Maine, we lost and we don’t have marriage. In Washington, they won and they don’t have marriage. In Maine, we know how to structure the marriage conversation so that it fits Mainers, but now in Washington they have to come up with an entirely new strategy of why domestic partnerships are not enough (and maybe having to combat the question “if DPS are not enough, why didn’t you go for marriage?”) and make sure that is tailored to something that Washingtonians can understand and buy into.
It was a fun discussion, let me tell you.
While in the city I met up with a bunch of people that I worked on the Maine marriage campaign with, which was delightful. I got into the city and had dinner with three of the folks who were organizers. One lived right in the city so instead of staying with the other two (way out in Bethesda) I stayed with the one in DC we went to a few bars, came home, and promptly fucked. It was... weird. I mean it was good, but it was weird. Because there had never really been any of that tension or anything back in Maine. I'm about to meet up with him to say bye since I fly back to Maine late tonight.
The last two nights I stayed at my other friend's place also right in DC. I have had a very big crush on him since I first met him back in... September, maybe? He works for the firm that did all the polling for the campaign, super hot, super smart and really funny. I was all excited to see him because since we last saw each other, I have lost some weight, toned up a bit and, quite frankly, looked good. Saturday morning he tells me that he wasn't going to get back into town until Sunday around 4 or 5 in the afternoon, but that his friend Chris who he works will can hide a key by the door for me that night. I get to his place, find the key (after a little confusion) and settle in. He has one roommate, but she was staying in Virginia for the night, so I had the run of the place. His bed was so. Goddamn. Comfortable. It was amazing. Like sleeping in a cloud. I sat down at 10:30 at night to watch a movie (I needed an easy night) and promptly fell asleep.
The next day he texts me with when he's going to be in and that he wants to make dinner for "everyone". I ask him who that includes and he replies him, his roommate, his friend Chris and me. And then texts me to let me know that he and Chris have kind of been seeing each other for the past month and that his roommate was a little weirded out since they had all worked together. Eugh. I felt my stomach just drop. I got over it rather quickly and was able to just go along throughout the day anyways and when I did finally meet up, the pangs of jealously weren't as bad as I had anticipated. Chris is (of course) great, and cute, and funny.
Damnit.
But then that got me thinking (baaaaaad thinking) about something. Like the Julie/Julia project, where a woman cooked her way through Mastering the Art of French Cooking, I started toying with the idea of dating my way through the dating sites. Chemistry, e-Harmony, Match.com, Plenty of Fish and Lava Life. More to come with this as I flesh out the idea to determine it's viability.
I’m going to try to find a job in DC sometime over the next year. I think it would be a great move for me, but I’m conflicted about it. I love working in politics (let’s see if I still say that after November… I may swear it off again, but who knows?) but I really want to pursue acting, and part of me feels like moving to DC will cement that politico in me as the dominant career desire. Maybe it’s for the best, since I haven’t been on stage in a long, long time. I guess this is all up in the air and I don’t think I’ll really have to start thinking about it until the summer. At which point, I now realize, I need to test out what DC feels like then. I hear summers in DC are a new kind of hell, and that’s not really something I want to have to deal with, unless I have A/C with me everywhere I go. Which won’t happen.
In other news, I've moved and I really enjoy the new place. Still in Maine (DC is calling very, very loudly), but at least in Portland now. I've quit my job and next Monday I start working on a gubernatorial campaign.
**Note: by the time I actually post this, I'm sitting in the BWI airport (where I had to pay $9.95 to get on the goddamn network) listening to a HILARIOUS Dan Savage podcast. He is so funny, so smart, and so ridiculously sexy.
**Note: by the time I actually post this, I'm sitting in the BWI airport (where I had to pay $9.95 to get on the goddamn network) listening to a HILARIOUS Dan Savage podcast. He is so funny, so smart, and so ridiculously sexy.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Seriously?
Can I just say I hope to all things sacred and holy that this bullshit mancrunch commercial is just that... bullshit? I mean, I'm all for coming down on a company (CBS) for not being LGBT inclusive, but if this commercial was a serious application to be in the Superbowl ad lineup, thank GOD it was rejected.
Friday, January 22, 2010
There's no place like the city just to the south of the place you call home
The restaurant that I used to work for had two locations within 20 minutes of each other. One day I had to go to the other location, in the city, for a delivery or a a pickup or whatever. It was winter, so there was a drastic reduction in the number of parking spots available along the streets. Snow. Lots and lots of snow. So I found a parking spot and used it. I was only going to be in the restaurant for about 10 minutes, so no biggie, I assumed. Boy was I wrong.
Turns out, it was the courthouse's parking lot and I had taken the spot of an employee who was returning from lunch, Uh oh. I get back to my car and it's blocked by the employee's car. Shit. Some old, fat security grump comes out and starts yelling at me about how it's a crime to park there, that I was stupid for not reading the sign (which was very, very old and was difficult to read in the first place) and really doing a bang-up job of representing the government.
He goes back inside to get the guy who had blocked me in. The guy comes out, all smiles, shakes my hand and says "hey, don't worry about it... I left my keys in the ignition so you could move the cars around, but I guess I should have left a note."
And that, that right there, is why I love this state.
Turns out, it was the courthouse's parking lot and I had taken the spot of an employee who was returning from lunch, Uh oh. I get back to my car and it's blocked by the employee's car. Shit. Some old, fat security grump comes out and starts yelling at me about how it's a crime to park there, that I was stupid for not reading the sign (which was very, very old and was difficult to read in the first place) and really doing a bang-up job of representing the government.
He goes back inside to get the guy who had blocked me in. The guy comes out, all smiles, shakes my hand and says "hey, don't worry about it... I left my keys in the ignition so you could move the cars around, but I guess I should have left a note."
And that, that right there, is why I love this state.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Stream of... Something
As I sit here, watching Season 1 Episode 8 of Ally McBeal (...yeah, that's right.) I realize something.
Two things.
One, is that I am more drunk than I thought I was. Hm.
Two, I realize that the more I talk about sex, the more this blog will be read.
But do I want this blog to be read. I don't know the answer to that, so I figure an experiment is in order. Not yet though. I am too drunk to accurately write about my sexual exploits. Right now at least.
I am sitting in an apartment right now with two people that I admire greatly. One is a woman who has involved herself in numerous campaigns and is at the point in her career where she can be showered with job offers, decline them all and know that her reputation is not in jeopardy.
The other is a guy. A guy whom I consider to be my older brother. And I have never told him this because I feel that he would be insulted by me calling him my older brother (because he is older, yet trying I think to cling to his youth). But I feel so much affection for him and he is the kind of person I imagine an older brother to be. He... is just great.
As the oldest of four, I don't know what an older brother should feel like. Which opens up a whole host of guilt, in that I feel like I should have been a much better older to my siblings.
I get the feeling that this post is exposing more of myself than I have before. And that comforts me. I feel like I'm chatting with a friend, but I'm really just chatting with myself,
I like you.
"When you make love to a guy, do you look him in the eyes?"
YES.
Calista Flockhart just seems goofy on Ally McBeal after watching her on Brothers and Sisters.
(I am currently downloading the complete series of Ally McBeal, so I look forward to watching it in it's entirety. That and "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia".)
LINES. We are drawing lines.
Two things.
One, is that I am more drunk than I thought I was. Hm.
Two, I realize that the more I talk about sex, the more this blog will be read.
But do I want this blog to be read. I don't know the answer to that, so I figure an experiment is in order. Not yet though. I am too drunk to accurately write about my sexual exploits. Right now at least.
I am sitting in an apartment right now with two people that I admire greatly. One is a woman who has involved herself in numerous campaigns and is at the point in her career where she can be showered with job offers, decline them all and know that her reputation is not in jeopardy.
The other is a guy. A guy whom I consider to be my older brother. And I have never told him this because I feel that he would be insulted by me calling him my older brother (because he is older, yet trying I think to cling to his youth). But I feel so much affection for him and he is the kind of person I imagine an older brother to be. He... is just great.
As the oldest of four, I don't know what an older brother should feel like. Which opens up a whole host of guilt, in that I feel like I should have been a much better older to my siblings.
I get the feeling that this post is exposing more of myself than I have before. And that comforts me. I feel like I'm chatting with a friend, but I'm really just chatting with myself,
I like you.
"When you make love to a guy, do you look him in the eyes?"
YES.
Calista Flockhart just seems goofy on Ally McBeal after watching her on Brothers and Sisters.
(I am currently downloading the complete series of Ally McBeal, so I look forward to watching it in it's entirety. That and "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia".)
LINES. We are drawing lines.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Alive!
...ish. Getting over something-or-other while starting a new job and being courted by several other employers... apparently high-ranking political officials have much more faith in my abilities as an organizer than I do!
Shame about Massachusetts... first Teabagging Senator? I'd be willing to bet not technically the first (if you get my meaning) but... seriously! Why do off-year and special elections fuck Dems so painfully hard.
Shame about Massachusetts... first Teabagging Senator? I'd be willing to bet not technically the first (if you get my meaning) but... seriously! Why do off-year and special elections fuck Dems so painfully hard.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Dear 2009
FUCK YOU.
Sorry, it slipped. I tried to hold back, but you were just one shitstorm after another. I have never been so happy to see a year pass than you. Not 1998, when my best friend was killed in a skiing accident and Matthew Shepard was brutally murdered. Not 2001 when the towers came down and the US cemented itself as a reactive brute force in the world, rather than the savvy political negotiator I know it has the potential of becoming. Not 2003 when I went though hell for being accused and, after what seemed like forever, acquitted of a crime I did not commit. I mean sure, in January we finally saw someone other than an old white guy take the oath of office, but you were really just riding the coattails of 2008, so way to steal that thunder.
Really, what I'm clearly most pissed about is why 2009, of all years, was the biggest setback for marriage equality. And it's really, really difficult for me to write this without just getting angry. Angry at NOM, at S4MM, at the fucking Church, and every other organization hell-bent on making my status as a second class citizen a law. And the fact that first thing tomorrow morning - literally, first thing, at 12:01 AM - folks in the state right next door are going to be able to start getting married and us amoral, anti-family queers here in Maine need to rebuild our lives after giving so much only to be pushed back down. It's disgusting.
November 4th, 2009, was the hardest day of my life. Waking up that day and realizing all the work that my friends had put into the right was for naught was the most crippling feeing. Maybe I was naive but I really felt like we could have won. I felt like it was happening. And that morning, waking up the their smug fucking faces on the front of every newspaper made me sick.
But, 2009, tonight I will drink. I will drink to your death and I look forward to drinking away all memories of you. May the likes of you never again come around.
Dear 2010,
I'm watching you.
Sorry, it slipped. I tried to hold back, but you were just one shitstorm after another. I have never been so happy to see a year pass than you. Not 1998, when my best friend was killed in a skiing accident and Matthew Shepard was brutally murdered. Not 2001 when the towers came down and the US cemented itself as a reactive brute force in the world, rather than the savvy political negotiator I know it has the potential of becoming. Not 2003 when I went though hell for being accused and, after what seemed like forever, acquitted of a crime I did not commit. I mean sure, in January we finally saw someone other than an old white guy take the oath of office, but you were really just riding the coattails of 2008, so way to steal that thunder.
Really, what I'm clearly most pissed about is why 2009, of all years, was the biggest setback for marriage equality. And it's really, really difficult for me to write this without just getting angry. Angry at NOM, at S4MM, at the fucking Church, and every other organization hell-bent on making my status as a second class citizen a law. And the fact that first thing tomorrow morning - literally, first thing, at 12:01 AM - folks in the state right next door are going to be able to start getting married and us amoral, anti-family queers here in Maine need to rebuild our lives after giving so much only to be pushed back down. It's disgusting.
November 4th, 2009, was the hardest day of my life. Waking up that day and realizing all the work that my friends had put into the right was for naught was the most crippling feeing. Maybe I was naive but I really felt like we could have won. I felt like it was happening. And that morning, waking up the their smug fucking faces on the front of every newspaper made me sick.
But, 2009, tonight I will drink. I will drink to your death and I look forward to drinking away all memories of you. May the likes of you never again come around.
Dear 2010,
I'm watching you.
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