So I think I know why I freaked out, lied and said I had a boyfriend to the amazing cute guy who hit on me at the bar. It's because after that I starting thinking about hooking up with him. And then hooking up with other guys. And then thinking about how one of those hook-up could possibly hold the potential for a relationship. And then thinking about how it's been so long since I've had a boyfriend that I would probably suck at being one, and how I really, really want one. I was driving with my roommate today and he mentioned how wanting a boyfriend and a relationship was weird and needy. I absolutely disagree, but I didn't really feel like getting heckled by him so I said nothing. And I know that he wants one too, he's just too blind to realize that he has something great right in front of him (who he's actually out to dinner with right now...) but instead keeps falling back in line with the same abusive alcoholic moron that keeps pulling him down.

If this guy can have two (or more) potential people to date, why the fuck can't I find one? I don't particularly like the bar scene here, since it seems everyone has already fucked everyone else (or fucked someone who did), and going online just seems... weird. I mean, what kind of people are so socially inept that they have to go online to find potential mates? Oh... right.

It's so fucking frustrating that it just makes me want to go back to craigslist to find random hookups and hide in being used.